happy, Happy Birthday, husband!

I sit here having an incredibly hard time putting words to what you are to our family. A few that come to mind are: foundation, roots, water, trunk, support, strength, calm, and steady. But, nothing I've come up with; no way that I've thought to describe it, comes close. It's a feeling larger than my vocabulary can manage and a reality that's difficult to comprehend. You're perfect for us, and we love you more than any words could say. Have a wonderful birthday and an amazing year.

You know who & what I am, and my love. xxx

happy birthday, Mister!

When I was getting ready to tuck True in last night, I said, "Hey! I have an idea." He looked up at me with a smile, waiting for something fun. I proceeded with, "How about we stay up aaall night, so that tomorrow never comes and you stay five forever!"

He did not like that. I watched that beautiful smile turn upside down in an instant.

Once he forgave me he said, "Don't worry, Mom, you'll have me for awhile. I won't grow up that fast."

I'm wishing my first, and perpetually thoughtful, baby a WONDERFUL day. And may you have the most fun being six that a kid ever had.

All of my love, Mama

photos by Esther

Three Kid Diaries :: it's been 3 months

Well hello!

First I'd like to thank those of you who are new to the PRETTYblog for subscribing! I'm so glad that you did because some fun things are coming that I don't want you to miss. I think of you as family, so feel free to comment or email me anytime and about anything. I'm hoping to cultivate a community of Mama's who appreciate the pretty things in life, while also feeling safe to be open & honest about motherhood. It's not an easy thing, and certainly is not always PRETTY!

If you haven't yet subscribed {to receive posts by way of your email box} you can do so by clicking here. Esther and I are putting together a mama's mySTYLE giveaway, and there will be more details later this month.

However, Evley is 3 1/2 months now and an update is super past due. It's been none too glamorous around here. But, we are all alive and very well, so let's start from where I left off last:

the end of July
When Evley was sixteen days old {only 3 days after this photo shoot} I went to urgent care because I'd had a sore finger for a week. I will spare you the dramatics {because it was very dramatic, if not traumatic, for me}. I was ultimately diagnosed with paronychia {infection along the finger or toenail}; a culture was taken verifying that the cause was Serratia {a bacteria, and there are several types}. I'd had a hang nail and the bacteria likely got into it from scraping the bottom of my kitchen sink plug {to clean it out while doing dishes}.

The type of Serratia that infected me is a very common household bacteria, and one that the Doc deemed the best way to "kill someone with a household bacterial agent." It is the orange or red stuff you sometimes see build up in showers. Or the orange ring in a dirty toilet. But usually, should you come in contact with it, you'd wash it off with soap. And of course kill it with cleaning products when cleaning. However, it freakishly entered my body, infecting my finger, making it's way into my blood stream, and pissing off one of my lymph nodes {the tell tale sign for me that there was a problem}.

From that point on it was "tracking," according to Doc, which was real bad news. I had to get a shot in the ass then and there and then take a ten day course of antibiotics. Had that not improved my symptoms, I would have needed a stronger course of treatment via IV. Doc said that a bacterial infection was good news because if it weren't, he'd be looking at lymphoma or Hodgkin's Disease. I was looking at him like: Seriously dude[???], my finger hurts...

{paronychia- infection along fingernail- post culture}

Doesn't look like much, right? Yeah. It was just swollen around my finger nail. The only reason there is blood in the photo is because Doc sliced it open to get the culture. It was nasty for as innocent as it looked.

Below is what the tracking looked like about 24 hours after I had the shot in my rear...

{an infection "tracking" the course of a vein in my arm}

In the photo it looks like a sunburn or something. It felt like a bruise to the touch. It began in small splotches near the crease of my arm that eventually connected and followed the course of a vein, and the entire length of my arm. As it progressed {but I was on antibiotics} it spread out {got wider than in that pic} and looked even more like a sunburn. Several days later {almost a week} it stopped feeling like a bruise and itched like holy hell...but inside my arm. It was a very odd & bizarre experience and seemed to come out of nowhere. The severity of it was scary, and so was the choice to continue to breastfeed Evley. But, I did and luckily she didn't react to the antibiotics. And luckily, the antibiotics kicked the infection.

So, being just over 2 weeks postpartum you can probably imagine what a hormonal mess I was. That's the drama & trauma I mentioned above that I'll spare you. When Doc saw the swollen lymph node and realized the severity of things, he looked at me in an I'm looking at a dead woman sort of way and it was unnerving. Though he responded, after a pause where he was surely thinking something different, "Don't worry, we'll get you better." I held it together in the office and sobbed when I got to the truck.

Alrighty! Moving on!

August
True and Elle West fought, what felt like, non-stop.

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Then, on Wednesday the 13th, I put True to bed with what I thought was a cold with a cough. He coughed all night despite Tylenol & Robitussen. I mean all night. The kid didn't get any sleep and neither did I. When I'd put him to bed, going to the doctor hadn't crossed my mind. But by early morning, I knew that we needed to go that day. And by 7 a.m., I was getting the girls dressed and pacing around the house waiting for the pediatrician's office to open.

I had the truck running and the kids loaded before 8 when I made the call. That True's condition was an emergency hadn't crossed my mind until the receptionist told me that the first available appt. was at 10:40. I said, "I can't wait. He's not breathing right."

I took him to the same urgent care that I used for my finger. Gabe met me there so that he could get Elle West from me. Once I was done filling out paper work, True lie in my lap grunting for air. The receptionist looked at us from around her computer and asked, "Is that him?"

I said, "Yeah. He's not breathing right."

She said, "No, he's not."

From then on, I wasn't any longer alone. Everyone around us moved and responded with a sense of urgency.

We were in an exam room within minutes. After the nurse took an extremely low oxygen reading from True, the doctor was in the room within minutes. The Doc was able to get a higher oxygen reading {thank goodness}, but it was still too low. The Doc was administering oxygen to True within minutes- while explaining to me that he'd need to be transported to the emergency room. Minutes after that, the paramedics were there and carting True out of the exam room on a gurney.

I was not able to accompany True in the ambulance because I had Evley. The paramedics weren't even sure that I'd be aloud to enter the emergency room with her since she was so little. I followed the ambulance in my truck and tried to get a hold of Gabe. I couldn't.

The ER receptionists, nurses & Docs let me in with Evley. I kept her in her carseat aside for quick feedings. After hours of breathing treatments, True's oxygen level stabilized while on oxygen. It would plummet without oxygen. Gabe finally arrived a few hours later with Elle West. I took the girls and left True and Gabe in the emergency room. When I got in the truck I sobbed.

That day was the single most awful thing I've been through to date. I've worried about my kids getting hit by cars, drowning and choking. Never once had I ever thought that they might just stop breathing. All the docs that morning kept asking me, "Have you ever heard him wheeze?" No. No, I'd never heard him wheeze.

To slim this part of the update down a bit, True spent three days and three nights in the hospital. Gabe left his side one time, for two hours, to go to the office and home to shower. Evley and I sat with him. The girls and I had been visiting every day, morning and evening. How Gabe did what he did and came back in two hours is beyond me. When I returned home that evening, I found that he had done the dishes while he was home, too.

{True showing off the flowers from Grandma & Grandpa}

True came home on Sunday the 17th. He was on oxygen 24/7 for three days, and was aloud to start school on the 20th without it. He was on it at night for a couple more weeks.

The prognosis? Asthma until he proves otherwise. He has an asthma plan and things have been going well and have been fairly uneventful in that department since the attack.

However, I was consumed by it for about a month. Questioning everything; looking at everything he did differently. Living in fear on account of him showing no symptoms until it was to a very scary point.

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So, he started kindergarten the Wednesday after he came home. He loves it and hasn't looked back...

{True posing for a picture the first day of school}

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The 5th Annual Family 5k Walk/Run was that next Saturday. Thank heavens that my Mom came to help me the week leading up to it. With True coming home on oxygen, his starting school, two doctor appts., and the 5k all in one week {oh! and only being six weeks postpartum with 3 kids!} I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

However, I kept it together, and the event was spectacular. I will do an update post soon to tell you more about it. But, it's a local fundraiser that friends and I started five years ago, which benefits the Durango Pregnancy Center and Best for Babes. Two organizations that are extremely close to my heart.

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{Elle West & Evley in their adorable matching wrap dresses}

Elle West continues to be an amazing big sister, and Evley Love and incredible baby!! Both girls enjoy their days at home with Mama {and I with them!}.

Elle West stopped wearing diapers in August and we did a lot of singing and dancing! You can see our "No More Diapers" song here.

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September
On September 1st, I turned 34. I have not a clue what we did...if anything. But, G gave me a handsome chunk of change to go shopping with which was delightful. I likely had a birthday margarita. Oh!! I know that I didNOT have a birthday mocha because it was Labor Day and the Tuning Fork was closed!! Woe was me! But a margarita isn't so bad. Plus I have a mocha every other day, so I suppose that's just what I get.

<----------<<>>---------->

Each day is wildly intense with hormonal fluctuations as well as just with the nature of having kids. Some moments are blissful and I think, how did I get so lucky? and others are horrid and I wonder, how will I possibly survive another minute?

The fluctuations in intensity and emotion in a single day are, honestly, down right exhausting. We are told, as mothers of small children, to cherish every moment...it goes by so fast, they say. Well yes, I can see that it does. However, in the past three months I almost feel as if I've aged a decade and the going ons in a single day sometimes feel like a weeks worth.

I undoubtedly will miss my kids being this age. I will miss being able to hold and snuggle them with all of my heart. I will miss them running to me after I've left them at the sitters for the day...

{photo actually taken in October}

...and reading them books. I will miss our walks and them wanting me to watch them when they discover how to do new things. I will miss watching them.

But, I won't miss the cracks in my hands from all the dishes I do. I won't miss all the laundry. I won't miss dirty toilets after each and every use, or wiping butts. I won't miss screeching and screaming and whining and fighting and thumping. I am almost certain that I won't miss our nightly bedtime routine that begins after our nightly bedtime routine. I hope I'm able to sleep through the night once my kids are grown, because...I would love to sleep through the night.

Of course, if this all stopped right now, before it's due time, I would miss it. I don't want to miss out on raising my children and the nature of it- all that is wonderful and all that is challenging. But, when they are grown, there are very certainly things I'm convinced I will *not* miss. 

<----------<<>>---------->

In early September a family friend was in a terrible auto accident and was badly injured. He is recovering more quickly than expected which is fantastic. But, we all wonder if he'll ever be the same as we remember him. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt. 

I made up a jingle to remind myself to wear my seatbelt, and with the hope that it would leave a lasting impression on my kids. We sing it a lot and it inspired me to start posting our little songs to YouTube. You can see our "Seat Belt Song" here.

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October

October brings bright colors and fun crunchy leaves, and it also brings hungry bears to our neighborhood. Most who know me well know that fall is far from my favorite. I love summer. And the nuisance bears only give me another thing to huff & puff about regarding the coming of fall. 

Giant black bears come almost nightly this time of year and dump everyone's trash. I, being particularly hormonal and fearful most recently {my nature only intensified by having small children}, have been extremely bothered by the bear's visits- mostly from a fear perspective. Plus, picking up our trash after it's been thrown out already is not fun, nor does it feel like a productive use of time.

I went ahead and ordered a "bear proof trash cart" from our waste management company. How a regular trash can could be bear proof, I wasn't sure. But I figured that it was worth a try. Despite their being unable to commit to the availability of any of those cans, one was delivered a week later. It has filled me with intense gratification ever since...

{a failed attempt of our neighborhood bear to get into our trash}

...in the photo you can see that the bear really gave the can a run for the money! It is upside down, and it was FULL mind you {heavy, but nothing for the bear}. Not only that, but it is about 15 feet from where we'd left it the night before. You can see that our neighbor's trash is dumped in the background. 

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At the very beginning of October, I also had a pregnancy scare. I normally am very sensitive to using language like that. I know what a blessing pregnancy is and that some may never experience it. So, I try to be careful, and even during "the scare" I was extremely conflicted about not wanting to be pregnant. After all, what if there was a baby growing in there? I'd undoubtedly love it to pieces and wouldn't be able to imagine my life without him/her a measly ten months later.

But, this is my update post and I did not want to be pregnant. 

I always get my period 6-8 weeks after having a baby despite breastfeeding. And my cycles work like clockwork. 98% of the time, my period comes the day it's due. So, when it was a day late I cried. For four days I went back and forth between convincing my self that I was or was not pregnant. The idea was consuming and I learned from it how sure I am that I don't want to be pregnant again. I'd be far better off being handed an infant tomorrow than being pregnant for another 40 weeks. 

By the fifth day and having had taken two negative tests, I'd fairly well let it go. Well, it wasn't consuming my every thought at least. I was attributing my irregularity to being postpartum. My pregnancy tests have always been right on, so that I'd taken two false ones settled my nerves. Then my period came a few days later. Big sigh. Calmness. Relief. All is well and wonderful in the world again.

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Another trip to the doctor for True. He had Impetigo {don't ask}, I'm tiring of this. 

{True at the doctor's office for what we thought was a cold sore; family photos rescheduled}

And a stomach bug has made its rounds.

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This post seems to have a generally glum hue cast upon it. Which seems about right for me and that it's fall. But actually, the days, even the rainy ones, have been absolutely beautiful. We've been spending lots of time outside and I'm feeling like my non-pregnant self again, and that is a wonderful thing!

I've cleaned out my closet and can wear all my old favorites, have gotten rid of lots, and have some nice new things. I re-soled my boots and have energy again {despite nightly feedings}.

I've cleaned up & out the house. I've gotten started on & have finished some projects that were haunting me. I'm inspired to create & write and I actually have the time to do a little of each. Evley is SO sweet, happy, and content. And has remained wildly healthy.

{Evley Love}

True & Elle West are equal parts fun and tough for me right now; each in different ways on account of their personalities and respective ages. And perhaps on account of my personality and perspective age. I take responsibility for both the sweet and terrible things that come out of their mouths. I'm a very long way from a perfect person or mother. But, I'm here everyday. And despite feeling like I'm being bent until I'm on the verge of snapping, I don't. I become more flexible. When I think there isn't enough of me to go around, I grow. I get creative, more efficient, and delegate in ways I never thought I would.

And when Esther sent me this picture, I was reminded of what a beautiful family I have...

{a sneak peek from this month's mySTYLE shoot}

...one that I once thought was meant for another life.

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That, my friends, is 3 months in with 3 kids, for me. Posting to this blog helps me feel less lonely & isolated, as a mother, whether anyone reads or not. But I love that people read, so thank you. It's not all doom and gloom around here and next week I can hardly wait for! Subscribe to receive PRETTYblog posts in your email box by clicking here {if you haven't already}. I don't mean to pester you about it, but if you're like me you'll likely miss the link on FB...and I'd be bummed for you to if you enjoy these little visits as much as I do. 

All my love,

JL

Elle Macpherson Intimates + VS pajamas + AIMbaby + monogrammed anklets + peacock feathers = mySTYLE july {2 wks postpartum}

Clothing

top: Victoria's Secret racerback tank in dark charcoal - not currently available, but this looks similar.
shorts: Victoria's Secret mayfair eyelet-trim short in black/white paisley - find this season's prints here.
bra: Elle Macpherson Intimates beach babe wire-free nursing bra in insignia blue - buy it here. I'm loving this Belabumbum for sleep.
manicure: shellac polish, featuring a peacock feather - do it yourself here, done for me by a special friend ;)

Evley Love: Her white ruffle blouse was a gift from Great Grandma Rita, and was likely from a department store. Her lovely peacock feather leggings are AIMbaby and can be found here. Shop all the cute prints & cuts in their Etsy shop here. AIMbaby leggings are handmade in Colorado, by a Mama I know, and the quality is impeccable. 

Customize Evley's anklet by clicking here {and see more details below}. I made these matching anklets a week before I had her, and we both wore them home as bracelets from the hospital. 

Her peacock feather swaddle blanket is by aden + anais, and you can find it here. I absolutely love these blankets.

Accessories
necklace: find the details in last month's post here.
earrings: cheapy gold hoops from Claire's.
anklet: Mine & Evley's - matching, Pretty by JL Monogrammed Geometric Adjustable Anklet/Bracelets, in rose silk - see this season's silk colors in this post.

Photography
All photos are by & property of E. Lee Photography :: Visit her Website and on Facebook to see more of Esther's work & to schedule your own shoot. 

{click on each image in this post for a better view}

Is this really the last day of July??! Do I really have Evley Love with me, to hold, in the flesh??! Was she really three weeks old yesterday???????! 

This month has been a bit of a blur to say the least, and time is absolutely flying by. Evley is an absolutely amazing baby. She is doing so well, and is growing so fast. The photos in this post were taken a measly nine days ago and she seems to have changed so much in that time. Am I overusing the word so? Well, that's my postpartum brain for you. Anyway, Evley's hair is still gorgeous and dark, her eyes are still ocean blue, but she might be an inch longer, and she has shed all that peeling skin from birth. She's beautiful and incredibly sweet.

On the note of postpartum, I usually get dressed and am somewhat presentable by 10 a.m. But, I've had a few pajama days. And I've maybe worn mascara once since Evley was born. I'm not getting out tons, unless it's on small Bayfield walks. But, visitors are now welcome...if you want to come by and bring me coffee I will likely love you for life {although I likely do already} >>---> dark chocolate iced mocha, pretty please, from the Tuning Fork!

I can wiggle into my pre-pregnancy jeans, but it definitely looks like I'm Rockin' the Beer Gut, which is fine by me...I'm going to enjoy being a little more curvaceous while it lasts! Seriously, I love thin, I love curvy; I think women's bodies are beautiful no matter their size. And, as much as I'm at peace with my smaller, God given bra size, I sure do enjoy having a little more boob to look at while breastfeeding. I hope you don't mind the peek, either. I've always wanted some PRETTY breastfeeding pictures, and I had to share now that I do!

A huge thank you to Esther for again reminding me of my pretty at a time when it's so easy to forget. She has taken so many pictures this year that I will treasure for life. See all of this year's mySTYLE posts to date by clicking here. For the details of Evley's first two weeks at home, click here. And stay tuned for her birth story...now would be a fantastic time to subscribe to the PRETTYblog if you aren't a subscriber already! You can do that by clicking here {be sure to enter your mailing address so that I can send you your gift!}

I hope you are doing well and are enjoying the holy heck out of your summer!!!

X O X O X, JL

Three Kid Diaries :: 2 weeks in

Well hello! Since today is Evley's 2 week birthday (actually, yesterday) I think it appropriate to check-in, and to let you know how things are going around here. I'll start by saying that Evley Love is an incredible baby. Gabe and I have been blessed with three healthy pregnancies, labor/deliveries, and babies. I feel so blessed that I'm sometimes overwhelmed by emotion regarding the matter, and I wonder why & how it all happened. I can safely say at this point that I feel like my immediate family is complete; I'm content to stop having babies now. As a result, I'm appreciating and eating up these early days with Evley. I wish so badly that I could have been so calm and attentive when True was little, but I rushed him to grow. With Elle West I was a lot better, but felt really busy for having two. Now, anything that can wait will wait. I know better now. It took me three to get it.

I want to share Evley's birth story with you and hope to write it soon. This post though is just an outline of worth mentioning events over the past couple weeks. I hope you enjoy the glimpse into our lives; please leave your judgements outside and come on in...

Wednesday, July 9
Evley Love Candelaria was born at 4:27 p.m. She weighed 6 lbs, 14 oz and was 18 1/4" long.

Thursday, July 10

We brought her home at about 5 p.m., and my Mom & Dad traveled the three-hundred + miles to help out. True was super excited to have Evley and I home, and Elle West wasn't quite sure about the the whole thing. However, Grandma & Grandpa were exciting enough to keep Elle from any major melt downs.

The night was off to a rough start when I tried to lay Evley down. She wasn't content to be left in her bed (it is currently/was in our room). Things went much more smoothly once I gave into the idea of simply nursing her to sleep and allowing myself to doze off, too. We slept in our recliner all night, waking every couple hours to nurse, and dozing off again with her lying on my chest.

Friday, July 11

Gabe went back to work today, but Evley and I were able to take it easy and hang around the house. My parents picked up coffee & breakfast from the Tuning Fork here in Bayfield, and played with True and Elle West on the trampoline all morning. It was relaxing and fun for me to watch from under our apple tree. I wish I had a picture of the four of them jumping! 

After lunch, Evley and I napped in the recliner while True and Elle West took their afternoon nap, and my parents checked out a local antique store. 

After naps, my parents took True and Elle West to Durango for dinner and to grocery shop for me. Evley and I got out on a tiny walk, and then went to dinner with Gabe at our local brewery; where I also enjoyed my first beer of the summer!

By bedtime, my milk was beginning to come in. Evley had already been eating well (chugging actually, if that's possible prior to milk coming in...), but now she was content to sleep in her bed. I got up with her every 2-3 hours to nurse, and otherwise enjoyed the feel of my bed on my not-pregnant-body for the first time in many, many months! It was nothing short of amazing.

Saturday, July 12

Today was another easy day. My parents took True & Elle West to Durango again. They went swimming and had lunch; came home ready for naps. My Mom and I sat outside and had coffee during nap time, and my Dad helped Gabe with Evley's room.

We grilled out hamburgers for dinner and had a fire in our backyard afterwards. I sat by the fire holding Evley and glancing over at the full moon periodically. I had guessed that the moon would put me into labor and that I'd have her tomorrow...I was thankful for where I was at that moment, with her birth behind me and having beautiful, perfect, and healthy her to show for it. 

With each pregnancy I've worried a little more about the health of my baby. This is another reason for which I'm content with being "done"...I'd be a stress case should I be pregnant again (I imagine). I'm not sure of the odds, but I feel lucky to have had three healthy pregnancies and three healthy babies. While pregnant with True, I was clueless and therefore had no worries. Now I know more. I've heard more stories. I know more moms. I am a mom and know what my kids mean to me, and therefore worry before they are even born.

At this point, my milk was in and I was very near engorgement. Bedtime was rough on account of my hard, sore, and huge boobs. There was more milk than my skin could acclimate to, and I felt run down and tired. My bed still felt good, but I was not able to enjoy it as thoroughly as I did the night before.

Sunday, July 13

I woke up very tired. I was officially in a haze and my parents were packing up. I was engorged and sore, but Evley never had a problem latching on and eating (which was fantastic). Since the engorgement was bearable, I did not do anything at all about it (I think there are home remedies & other means out there to help with engorgement). I just fed Evley as often as she'd eat and rode it out.

I suffered my first incident of baby blues after reading some material that the hospital sent me home with regarding SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I found myself in the bathroom several different times that afternoon/evening, crying. In addition to racing fearful thoughts, it was sinking in that my parents were gone and that I'd be on my own tomorrow while Gabe was at work. I've suffered from a little bit of anxiety when my Mom has gone home after having all three of my kids.

My bed felt amazing though. 

Monday, July 14 

Evley woke up at 2 a.m. and again at 6 a.m. to eat. Since I had such nice stretches to sleep, I felt well rested and stayed up after her 6 o'clock feeding. I figured I'd better get started on the day if I was going to get us to the doctor by 9:40 a.m. for her 5 day check-up. Breastfeeding and diaper changes and dressing another person in the morning really adds to the time it takes to "get ready" for the day.

Gabe's Mom came over to watch True and Elle West for me, while I made the trip into Durango with Evley.

Evley WOW-ed the nurse and doctor by being back up to her birth-weight. Yep, she weighed in at 6 lbs & 14 oz! Our trip to town was a success and all went well.

I had been noticing that True was having a hard time. He was still being good, and helpful, but was throwing some out of character fits and acting out some. Elle West on the other hand was beginning to feel right with and in our family again. I'd made a point to reward and praise her when I noticed her sweetness or when she was being good. I'd put Evley down and ask Elle to snuggle or sit with me. I'd let Elle sit with us when we nursed...she noticed me pressing lightly on my boob one day (I was giving Evley's nostril a bit more room for air), and she decided that she could help by sitting next to me and ever so carefully pressing on my boob. I let her do it (still), whether it needs to be done or not. 

Back to True. I hadn't failed to give him attention up until now. But, he's different. He's the oldest. He'd gotten lots more jobs recently (which he liked some of). It was his job to check on Evley. It was his job to help Elle West. Looking into his face felt like looking into a mirror. He looked like me. He looked like he just had a baby. He did just have a baby. He was slightly pale and his eyes were glazed over; even though he'd been sleeping well. I started wondering what I could do that would be special for him.

I started thinking about how I could negotiate Target, in Farmington (an hour drive away), with three kids; 6 days postpartum and by myself.

Tuesday, July 15

I'd gone to bed wondering if going to Target was possible today, or if it was an insane idea. I woke up rested (because Evley is a doll and because my bed is amazing when I'm not pregnant). I then decided  that it was possible to go to Target, so long as I aimed for nothing else the entire day, and was willing to let go of the notion that it was possible that we'd make it back by nap time.

The four of us were ready and loaded up around 10:30. We got back six hours later, at 4:30. We only.went.to Target. Okay, so I drove through Taco Bell, too.

As well, we had two hours of drive time. And we parked at Safeway in Aztec to feed Evley on the way home. But still, it took over three hours to buy True school supplies. 

I will spare you the tedious details. But, the outline goes like this: once inside Target...go to the bathroom; buy True & Elle West hot dogs at the snack bar; buy myself an iced mocha at Starbucks; sit at a table in Starbucks and consume mentioned food while nursing Evley; burp Evley while T & E West finish lunch and put Evley in Moby Wrap; leave Evley's carseat at customer service; push E West in cart and find everything on school supply list but one thing; let True pick out a backpack, lunch box, and thermos (lunch boxes don't seem to come with thermoses anymore); search for a "desk solution" for True (he'd outgrown his desk space at home and we'd been discussing what to do); find Target employee to bring True's desk up front; check out; go with Target employee outside to load desk on truck while I loaded other items in front seat; go back into Target and get carseat; sit down at table in Starbucks and feed Evley; go to bathroom; load kids up into truck; fiddle with strapping True's desk down on my flatbed for awhile. Ahhh, pull out of Target parking lot while in my nicely air conditioned space and head for Taco Bell.

Shortly after we left Farmington it was clear that Evley needed something. So, we pulled over in Aztec for a diaper change and to nurse. That's when True said, "Oh good! I need to go to the bathroom."

I said that there was no chance of his going to the bathroom...that it was not possible for me to unload everyone to go inside Safeway, to the bathroom. I told him we could pull over up the road aways and he could go on the side of the road. Or, he could hop out and go in the parking lot, except that we might get into trouble. Then I told him that he could go in my water bottle. My Pretty by JL water bottle (I sort of thought for a second that he might like that idea...)

True whined about every single option and about how bad he had to go. I'd reached my limit for our outing. The water bottle solution was the very best I could offer. He tried and couldn't go. Then he told me that he didn't have to go anymore. Then I insisted that he try again. It worked that time and he mentioned that my water bottle was, "kind of hot now." I cringed, screwed the lid on tight, tossed it on top of our Target loot, and off we went.

So, we did not make it home for naps, and of course True and Elle West lost it in the truck. Elle West did not want True to rest his head on her seat (this is payback for years of True not letting Elle touch his seat with any body part). 

After ten or so minute of extremely intense whining, roaring, bickering and such, they both fell asleep...

They got a twenty-five minute nap in the truck.

The rest of the day is a blur and I feared that I'd over done it, and that I might never (ever) leave the house with three kids again. But, my bed felt amazing, Evley is a doll, and I got some sleep.

Wednesday, July 16

Slooow is the pace for today, and Evley is one week old! A friend came over in the morning and brought coffee. The kids played and we sat in the yard under the apple tree. It was lovely.

My major and most important to do of the day was to get True's desk put together. He was thrilled with his special shopping trip, but waiting to organize his new desk was brutal for him. I started at nap time and worked on nothing else until well into the evening. I fed Evley as needed and that was it. T & E West watched a movie after their naps and I worked on his desk. I did get it done in time for him to arrange it before bed. He said that I was the best mom ever. It was fun to watch him fill it up. 

He was content after that; the glaze over his eyes went away and he perked up.

Tracey brought us dinner (the same friend that had been over this morning), chicken spaghetti, and it was amazing. And my bed felt great, again.

Friday, July 18

I walked to the Tuning Fork (Evley in the Moby, Elle West in the stroller, & True walked...I can't manage Elle on her Strider bike right now and True's bike is broken) for coffee and an amazing sandwich. Then to the park where we ate and the kids played. 

We went home for nap, and Gabe came home so that I could go for a mani & pedi here in Bayfield. I took Evley and it was so nice to be pampered for a couple hours. Evley slept in her carseat.

Saturday, July 19

I picked up our Bountiful Basket order and worked on laundry. I feel like laundry doesn't stop piling up (neither do dishes). As soon as I get a batch done it's time to start again- that is the reality of our laundry cycle these days (and dishes, and I'm not even cooking per say...just getting by; eating to eat at each meal time). 

Gabe built his new desk, which was a nice to-do to get off of his list.

I ran out at nap time, kid free, to get an iced mocha before the Tuning Fork closed, to check my mail, and to pick up something at the afore mentioned antique store for my Mom. Evley was discontented with my leaving and Gabe had probably held her the entire time (she wasn't crying, but needed held when she'd normally be sleeping at that time). I was gone for forty-five minutes.

True is becoming a pro at holding Evley. He loves to do it and takes it very seriously.

I haven't gotten over how great my bed feels to get into. I can lay any way that I want to now! I can bring my knee up to my chest if I want! It's the little things...well, there isn't really anything little about comfortable sleep, especially being a mom. It's absolutely amazing. 

Sunday, July 20

I felt really good today. I made French toast for breakfast (but mostly because we only had milk enough for that). I got the bathrooms cleaned and laundry folded (big accomplishments!). I ran to the Bayfield grocery store with Evley (didn't want to leave her again) in the afternoon, and picked up dinner at Tequila's. It may not sound like much, but I was pooped after I got all the kids to bed.

Gabe worked hard all day on Evley's room; getting it pretty much finished. I opened myself a summer ale and stood outside to cool off. I heard a racket and went to see what was going on. Gabe was fervently throwing firewood from our ginormous pile (had been delivered a fews days before) to the stack. It was around 9 p.m. and was almost dusk. I thought, really? Have we not done enough today? I just watched for a couple minutes, Gabe never looking up. It actually looked like he was blowing off steam, but if he were I didn't know about what.

I went to the laundry room, polished off my beer, grabbed my gloves and went out to help. He probably just wanted it done before the work week, or need the space open for parking, or just wanted it to be done. Anyway, I didn't ask any questions and it probably only took about a half hour for us to finish it up. I broke a nail. 

The night was going fine. My bed felt great.

Monday, July 21

Then True came in at 3:30 a.m. I fed Evley and didn't put True back to bed like I normally would. Gabe let True in bed, to lay by him. I didn't sleep well on account of it. True didn't sleep well. Gabe didn't seem to have trouble.

The day started and I stayed in my pajamas. I focused on checking email and doing a little desk work. It was good to get it done, but I didn't shower & dress until 3:30 p.m. I hadn't gone outside at all. This is a problem for me.

By the time Gabe got home and I'd made dinner, I was a hurtin' unit. Gabe made a comment about my being "bitchy" to True that morning when I told him to, "Lay still and sleep or go back to your own bed." My tone had been bitchy, and it ended up that I had hurt True's feelings. He'd wanted me to turn toward him and snuggle. I wanted to sleep.

From there, I suffered my second (and worst) case of baby blues. I cried and got mad. My being upset, upset Evley. She refused to eat. She acted starving, but like she couldn't latch on. Finally, I put her in the Moby and went on a walk. It was somewhere close to 8 p.m. and it was tough to make myself get out. 

Evley was calm in the Moby. But, it took her hours after that to calm down and eat well. Gabe had gotten True & Elle West ready for bed. 

Once she finally went to sleep, Evley slept for six hours before she woke up again to eat. I felt terrible about it because I attributed it to how upset she'd been, but on the other hand, it was just what I needed. I had to take all three kids into Durango in the morning for Evley's two week check-up.

Tuesday, July 22

We got out of the house on time; with just enough time to grab an iced mocha from the Tuning Fork on the way. I hadn't had one the day before and am convinced having one may have helped me along...now is not the time to practice discipline in the way of what I'm consuming. I don't have a tendency of overdoing it with coffee or junk food. So, if I want it I just go for it.

The trip to the doctor went really well. Evley gained another 9 oz, weighing in at 7 lbs & 7 oz! The doctor was thrilled and so was I. The goal would be for her to be back up to her birthweight by tomorrow. True and Elle West did relatively well, and we all survived another outing beyond Bayfield.

I stopped at the Tuning Fork again once we got back to Bayfield...and let True run in for an Italian soda. He'd been good.

At nap time, Esther came over and took this month's style photos of Evley and I (starring Miss Evley Love!). You can check out the year's style posts by clicking here, to see what I mean...watch for this month's post next week. The shoot went really well. Another big day fairly well over.

Evley and I both slept great!

Wednesday,  July 23

Happy two week birthday, Evley Love!!! Today we took it eeeasy! We went for coffee and a picnic at the park with Tracey and her girls. We sat in the grass, in the shade, for a long time. Then I worked on this post, at nap time, and until I couldn't take it anymore and called it quits for the night. I know better than to wear myself out. I'm hoping to avoid future instances of baby blues and/or depression by just stopping and taking care of myself.

Thursday, July 24

I was tired last night. I do not want to upset Evley in such a way again (like I did on Monday). She has been so sweet and agreeable; it's so dumb to wear myself out and create such chaos at home. But, it can be a tough thing to figure out. In this way, three is easier for me. 

What's next? We might just get to move into Evley's room this weekend! Here's where it's at...

If there is anything that you are wondering about, that I did not mention...please feel free to ask in the comments!! This post, like usual, is much longer than I planned on! I hope you are doing well and enjoyed the update :)

X O X O X, JL

Treat Yo Self :: OhDierLiving

{Products, People, Places}


{treat you self cake topper, by OhDierLiving, on Etsy}

I saw an image of the above cake topper in my Instagram feed last week and fell in love. Maybe "in love" isn't quite right, but let's certainly say that the innocent little cake topper spoke to me in a very serious way. Not only does it shamelessly demand that one take care of themselves in ways that no one else can {very much inline with my [PBfNM's] motto & mission}, it's also shown in my very favorite color...um, and on cake.

I instantly commented on the IG photo with, "Love this. Want a t-shirt & wall hanging in it too ;)"

William, the cute architect gone woodworker replied with, "we could do that."

I let him know that I'd be in touch on Etsy to talk specifics. OhDierLiving makes a variety of cool typographic wood signs, have a look here, and I've already got a t-shirt that I love from them. The sign wasn't on my list of needs, or wants for that matter, for the month. But, it was a spontaneous splurge that I couldn't bring myself to pass up.

Taking care of Mom has been coming up lots lately in my world. It doesn't so much relate to Mother's Day either. Although, today it came up again. So I find telling you in lieu of Mother's Day weekend appropriate.

I really noticed it about a week and a half ago when I took Elle West to the doctor. It wasn't the first suggestion, but it was the lest subtle of all previous suggestions regarding the topic. We saw Dr. Zemach, one of my favorites at Pediatric Partners of the Southwest in Durango. My guess is that he's in his late 40s or early 50s. He's a nice height, handsome, and has buzzed, lightly speckled gray, but mostly really dark hair. He speaks with a lisp, and is so charming that one might think {between the charm & the lisp} that he might be gay. However, he often times mentions his wife in quick yet attentive conversation.

After Dr. Zemach finished examining Elle, and diagnosed her ear infection, he gave her a job. He said, "Your job today is to take care of Mom, okay."

She said, "Okay."

He continued his instructions to her in sort of a sonnet-esque way by saying, "Because Mom always takes care of us, but who takes care of her?" After that he was pretty much done and out the door.

His words lingered with me a little longer, or a lot, and I began answering his question to myself.

Who takes care of Mom?

Well, the initial and obvious answer for me was/is, Gabe. I stay at home, and he works to support us. Alright, well who else takes care of me? It's sort of easy and complicated at the same time. I instantly thought about Gabe and money, but what about emotional care. Or, money aside, physical care. My friend Emily and I have talked about this before...we draw what we need, as moms, from a variety of sources. There isn't any single person who can satisfy all of our needs. And, what can be so tough is that we don't necessarily get to choose who it's from, or when. We are continuously under demands to attend to the needs of others. Yet, most times the moments in which we need something, there's no one but ourselves to demand it from.

So, who takes care of Mom?

We need a reserve inside us, in which we can draw from, in time of need. What/who feeds our reserve varies from husbands, friends, parents, siblings, our kids, articles/books, exercise, creative expressions, encounters/interactions with complete strangers, and ourselves. Really the list goes on and on. But, the odd thing is, no one really takes care of us but us. That's the answer to the question. Once a mother always a mother, and we are in charge of not only our kids' care from that point forward but, also our own. It's sort of a big deal.

Our care needs range from knowing when to keep quiet, when to talk, when to reach for someone who understands, when to buy new underwear, when & if to buy designer jeans, when to eat, when to sleep, when to get our hair cut and/or colored, when to call our daughters or moms just to talk & cry, when to have sex, when to just stop, when to GO, when to listen {to them, the birds, the wind, ourselves...}, when not to listen, and when to treat ourselves.

If we don't care for ourselves, if we don't set appropriate boundaries, and if we don't treat ourselves when we need to...then there's a pretty decent chance that the need won't be met at the moment in which we need it to be.

Not everyone needs a cake topper or Treat Yo Self sign hanging on their wall, and I'm not suggesting that they do. But, all Moms need a regularity of sources feeding their reserve in which to draw from. And all Moms need to know how to reserve the important bits, get rid of the rest, and how to draw from her reserve & when. We need to take care of ourselves in order to best take care of the ones we love.

I can't say for a second that I've mastered it. But, the Treat Yo Self sign that I've got coming will be a nice and pretty reminder. That's my Mother's Day gift to myself this year. Happiest Mother's Day to you, and a genuine thank you to the many who feed my reserve. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend with the Moms and/or kids they love.

X O X O, JL

*I won't likely post a follow-up once I receive my sign, but WILL share a pic on Instagram. You're welcome to check-in @prettybyjl for a peek! Check out OhDierLiving on IG @OhDier.